Brilliant Bungee Boondoggle

Austin Rempel, Freshman Guest Writer

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My palms glistened with sweat. My adrenaline had never peaked to these levels in my lifetime. I clung to my rope, praying that it wouldn’t snap.

“You got this, man!” my friend Garrett said to me.

“Yep, I know!” I replied. “I was born to fly!”

I added that last part to help my confidence, which wasn’t the highest during that span. I didn’t think the last remark made its point, though, as second thoughts started to surface in my head. Why did I have to go first? Is this the smartest thing you’ve done? Why can’t we just go play some “Wii sports resort”? Garrett knows how to call 911, right? Will this be the end? I think my mom loves me…

“C’mon, dude, we’re gonna be rich after this!” Garrett’s remark interrupted my thoughts and left me with a real question: “How bad do you want it?”

Earlier that morning I had awakened ready to conquer anything. As I changed from my PJs into my Ladainian Tomlinson jersey, I knew this day was going down in history.

At this point, my mom yelled to me,” Austin, put on some pants!”

I proceeded to say back, “But it’s summer, and it’s really hot outside!”

My mom replied, “I don’t care; put some shorts on then!”

To that I said, “Okay,” and put some shorts on.

Afterward, I reached into the cabinet and snatched myself the box of Raisin Bran, only to tragically find that there wasn’t enough left for a full-sized Austin cereal bowl. Thinking quickly, I raced back to the cereal cabinet and discovered the same problem with the box of Apple Jacks, and I had a brilliant idea. Quick as lightning, I took both cereal boxes and dumped the rest into my bowl and topped it off with some milk. Boom. Problem solved. That was one of the many ingenious, brilliant, and amazing ideas I would have that summer day.

Later that day after a good couple matches of tanks on the Wii, both Garrett and I headed out to his backyard treehouse. In his treehouse, his dad had just installed a high-caliber stretchy elastic slingshot, which inspired my next genius move. This slingshot was mounted on the edge of the treehouse, which stood maybe 10 feet over the ground, and which would come into play later. So just a regular, ingenious idea hit me.

“Hey Garrett,” I said.

“What?”

“I just got to thinking. What if we were to attach a rope to your slingshot and make it a bungee jump?”

This was the greatest idea ever known to man. We were going to make a freaking bungee jump off a treehouse. It would make us rich, of course, because we would charge people to ride on it and everything. So, we didn’t waste any time. We found some old ropes in his shop. Garrett whipped out his tree limb cutters, and both of us got to work on the greatest invention of all time.

Before I get to the intense part, let me make a quick side note here. Garrett’s parents were almost always gone, so they had to hire babysitters for the summer. Sometimes it was his sister; other times we had the world’s best babysitter. And then, we had the dark times like that day, when the unknown babysitter, the we-don’t-remember-her-name-but-we-still-didn’t-like-her, was in charge. So, we got out of the house as quickly as possible and bolted for the treehouse, which brings us back to where we were.

As we began tying knots and cutting ropes, we knew this was the best idea ever. The bungee jump was finished after long, tiring hours of work (I don’t remember how long it took us, but it might not have even broken an hour). So, we finally came down to the decision: Who gets to go first? Who gets to put his footprint on the moon? Who gets to discover the last dodo? Who gets credit for the lightbulb? It was no small decision, believe me. So I got the guts to ask Garrett and….

“Hey Austin, do want to go first?” Garrett asked.

“Sure! I mean, if you don’t want to go first, I guess.”

This is the kind of neighborhood chemistry that creates great things, like defeating Bowser on Super Mario Bros, or getting to level 18 on Wii tanks, or anything else involved with the Wii, actually.

So, it was settled. I was going to be the one to test out the coolest invention of the year. Garrett looped the rope around my waist and between my legs and knotted it in the front. We were ready to go. Garrett went down to the ground, just in case the rope broke, and I had a small fall. But, since this was a bungee jump, my feet wouldn’t touch the ground. I would just spring back up. And I don’t think I really thought out the rest of the plan.

I had jumped from this edge plenty of times. Only this time, I would be rewriting history books. I took a deep breath. This was my moment, and I wasn’t going to lose it here by being a wussy. I tossed one leg over the railing. My other leg came next, so I was sitting on the ledge with my feet dangling off of it. This is when the doubts started creeping in, and it took superhuman will to push them out. Finally, I made up my mind. I put my big boy pants on and took my leap of greatness!

Now, I’m guessing people say these moments replay in slow motion in their heads, but I would disagree on that part. Most likely contributing to that was the fact that I never made it back up. I didn’t really make it down either. I was just sort of hanging there, and more likely than not, also screaming like a two-year-old girl. Panicking, Garrett rushed to We-Don’t-Remember-Her-Name-But-We-Still-Didn’t-Like-Her, and she got to cutting off the ropes of our beautiful creation as I was hanging from the treehouse like the business end of a yo-yo that had an elementary school kid attached. That was officially the end of our beloved bungee jump.

Well, now we’re at the part of the story where I tell you the morals. So maybe you have some suggestions that would make this story valid. Okay, I’m not really sure what they are either, but I can tell you one thing for sure. If you learned anything from this, it should be that Apple Jacks and Raisin Bran don’t mix.

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Brilliant Bungee Boondoggle